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I know, I kinda just threw up typing that. Have you heard about these?? Check it out:
Anyway, I want to creep the guys out so will you please start emailing them requests for snuggle parties? They'll be baffled and it will be awesome. Their email address is on their webpage.
Texting and tweeting on the toilet is so yesterday... Eating on the can is what's going down now.
For throwback Thursday, here's pictures of John eating broccoli circa 2012.
We share a parking spot.
Yes, I have an update to the parking threats I received. If this makes no sense you'll have to read my blog entry titled "I might get fired for this."
Last week, I got an email from the building manager asking if it was my car in that spot. I told him yes and he told me that's not ok. So, I threw up the white flag and have been parking in MY spot which is a whole 20 yards away from the elevator/stairs. Bet you can guess which one of those I take, eh?
Today, I saw the building manager and said, "Hey, what's the deal with that spot? Seacrest doesn't work in this building anymore." And get this, he says to me, "Well, he still pays for those two spots and I've seen him here at least twice in the past year." Instantly, a feeling of joy swept through me. HA! Way to stick it to the MAN, Shannon! Seacrest has been paying for my clutch spot! But what came out of my mouth was, "Ohhhh. OK. Cool. I'll stop parking in it." To which said building manager said, " Or, maybe you can work out something with Seacrest....maybe split the cost of the spot?"
John completely lost his #$%& today. It's must listen to stuff.
You know how the Batkid story warmed your heart? This does it too. Podcast it. The meltdown happened at 4:25ish today (friday).
Here's a taste.
Gotta box delivered to me here at KFI. It was covered in pictures of cats.
That's an immediate, "Intern please open this because I don't want to die of Anthrax" kind of vision, let me tell ya...
Cats on the top of the box, cats on the sides, and cats on the bottom of the box.
But I opened it because I like to gamble and well, I've lived a good life.
Inside was a nice letter from a man named Doc Love. He is a relationship expert for guys and even has a book that he sent me. I've gone ahead and given it to Rob Archer. Also in the box was this delightful surprise. Come on, even Seahawks fans can't say he's not cute.
Thanks, Doc Love! Here's more for you guys like Rob.
Monday met me with a fast-acting, pretty intense sore throat. I thought it was a cold but the sore throat wouldn't go away and there were really no other symptoms but ridiculous pain when I spoke.
And guess what I do for a living folks?
I decided to go to the doc because if it's something more than a bad cold I want to treat this bitch right away.
The diagnosis? Pharyngitis. Pronounced, yes: Farrengitis.
I have a bad case of myself.
I love unicorns. Who doesn't?
There's the backstory.
We have a sponsor for our newscasts. Here is the sponsor sheet as I see it from the anchor chair.
I know, it's hard to see. I've always had good eyes but lately, I've been thinking about getting some reading glasses. Whenever I put on someone's reading glasses I see things so much clearer! (Not the last time you'll be reading this post and think...Jackass)
So, here it is a little closer.
See that sponsor at 15:28 (3:30pm)? I thought I did during the newscast. I said on the air, "News brought to you by Unicorn Global." As I continued on with the news I thought, "Cool! A company calls itself UNICORN GLOBAL! That's pretty awesome." But by the time I got to the end of the cast I had turned on myself, "There's no way that's a company. That would be stupid. Why would you think that?" I took a closer look and realized it said Unicom Global. You know, only one of the most massive software companies IN THE WORLD.
So, no Shannon. I'm pretty sure a company that helps out Fortune 500 companies with software solutions DOESN'T CALL ITSELF UNICORN GLOBAL! Here's more. Read on. I'll be shopping for glasses.
Founded in 1981 by one man with a single software product, today UNICOM® Global consists of more than twenty-five corporate entities encompassing a wide range of businesses including Mergers and Acquisitions (M&A), Real Estate Development, Business and Financial Services and a range of Information Technology (IT) Divisions. The IT Divisions deliver world-class solutions in software, hardware, professional and educational services and outsourcing, co-location and facilities management services for Fortune 500 and Global 2000 clients worldwide.
A privately-held firm under the stewardship of its original founder, Corry S. Hong, UNICOM Global continues to grow dramatically through a savvy combination of organic growth and strategic M&A activities. UNICOM continues to target mature and growing mid-cap NASDAQ and London Stock Exchange AIM compaines for integration and growth strategies.
If you cut if off that is. Actually, if you have one you should probably take it with you wherever you go despite what may have happened earlier in the day.
This was not the case for Yang Hu. Yang had just moved to the big city in China and was feeling depressed about his single status. So he did what every man does who can't find a date...he cut off his penis.
Yang had the presence of mind to go to the hospital immediately.
But he forgot his penis.
He went back home to get it and raced back to the doctors who told him it could not be attached because the penis had been without blood for too long.
So, yes, always remember to take your penis to the hospital.