This blog may contain profanity and/or material considered inappropriate. The views expressed in this blog are the opinions of the individual writer and do not necessarily reflect the views of KFI AM-640 and Clear Channel Radio.
Here we go folks! From Thomas Wictor...Enjoy! It is quite the smack talking rant.
The woman gets her inspiration from aquatic mammals. She looks like an upright manatee, has hippopotamus tusks, and communicates in the gravelly bellow
of a harbor seal. The man makes a U-turn into my driveway every single night in his giant truck with the high beams on. Every night a silent nuclear explosion goes off outside, as blinding white light pierces my blinds for five or six seconds. That's ironic because the husband is shaped like Fat Man, the atomic bomb dropped on Nagasaki.
When I first heard the human-goat dog, the sound was so horrifying that I had to go out and identify the source and location. I didn't know if a mummified prospector who'd died in the 1849 gold rush had gotten rehydrated and come up out of the ground to find something to eat. Or maybe someone had stumbled on a stockpile of dioxin from the fifties, had half-melted himself, and was yelling
for help. Learning that it was just a malformed dog allowed me to put up with the noise.
It's easier for me to endure something if I understand it. The French philosopher, mathematician, physicist, inventor, and writer Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) said, "To understand is to forgive."
Well, he didn't live next door to a manatee and a truck-driving atomic bomb...who own a screaming human-goat dog.
It's fun to write about my neighbors. Since they're illiterate, they'll never know what I said publicly about them.