We're sure you've heard, on
According to the latest scientifically astroreligious analysis, the gates of Xibalba, the Mayan Underworld, will open to unleash upon the earth beasts and plagues of unfathomable cruelty and unimaginable horror for, y'know, cleansing purposes (consider it a once-every-5,000-years-earth-douching). No one's entirely sure what types of terrors will be released -- perhaps some bees and locusts, hordes of rabid kittens...a little fire maybe? Definitely some Mayan Death Lords.
Given the odds, you're not gonna make it to the next cycle, it's time to get your affairs in order, get a little crazy and, of course, get intimate. Don't panic, we live in the
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