We're sure you've heard, on December 21, 2012 -- merely a day from now -- we're all fucked.

According to the latest scientifically astroreligious analysis, the gates of Xibalba, the Mayan Underworld, will open to unleash upon the earth beasts and plagues of unfathomable cruelty and unimaginable horror for, y'know, cleansing purposes (consider it a once-every-5,000-years-earth-douching). No one's entirely sure what types of terrors will be released -- perhaps some bees and locusts, hordes of rabid kittens...a little fire maybe? Definitely some Mayan Death Lords.

Given the odds, you're not gonna make it to the next cycle, it's time to get your affairs in order, get a little crazy and, of course, get intimate. Don't panic, we live in the Greatest City on Earth, and you've got options, so get out there and make it happen. To help you along, we've come up with a quick open-ended guide to spending your final day in the City of Angels before it becomes the last bastion of soul-consuming death minions.

Read more at LA Weekly