Honorable Mention: Private jet tickets for cheap... if you pass the interview stage
#9: Woman digs another woman's eye out of socket
#8: Death Wish is the 'most highly caffeinated premium dark roast organic coffee in the world.' Sounds yummy.
#7: Connecticut lawmakers are considering a bill that would allow malt beverages and beer to be sold in pliable pouches.
#6: Sex toy massages... on throats?
#5: Can't yell "Bingo!" if you don't have a Bingo. Duh.
#4: Cool it on the Axe, children.
#3: Itchy back? Could be a knife blade.
#2: "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Are we there yet? Mommy! Mommy! MMOOOMMMMMMYYYYY!!!!"
#1: Whatever happened to, "Where did you grow up?"