For the Lord Sayeth, "Bring Forth The Latino Jew To Speak The Word, On 50,000 Watts Of Power In Los Angeles."
And so he shall....sort of.
12/4 6:42am "Lenny Dick-stra"
That's Lenny Dyke-Stra Handel....
10/5 7:52 "Leo LaTech"
Leo LaPORTE, Bill....
10/5 6:56 "Canadia"
Canada to you and me
10/3 8:15 "he ripped them to shorts"
Thinkin' he meant 'shreads'...how he got to shorts we have NO idea.
10/2 6:11 "Amtruck Train"
Train, truck, what's the difference?
10/1 6:40 (discussing the upcoming debate between Obama & Romney) "they were out trying to do each other"
Methinks he meant 'they were trying to out-DO each other"
9/25 8:38 "Ass-ghanistan"
I'm sure you know what he meant
8/28 6:51 "There's something going on in my throat"
8/28 5:50am "You can die of death"
Yes... yes you can... Oh Handel.
8/16 7:26am "It's between a hard place and a rock"
Um...Handel, you're doing it wrong!
8/13 6:10am "The debate between Byan and Ryan will be great"
You mean BIDEN right?
8/9 6:28am Handel: "It's the last hoo-ha"
Um, you meant 'hurrah'....Hoo ha is something VERY different Handel
8/8 7:42am -- "Well, maybe George Skoros"
He means George Soros
8/8 5:40am -- With regard to Serena Williams' 'crip walk' after her Olympic gold win..."It looks like Happy Face"
That would be 'Happy FEET' Bill
8/6/12 6:45am -- "What about the electrical college?"
Uh, yea, that's not right....
7/31/12 7:08 -- "John Holmes was charged with 24 counts of murder, uh, John, um James...James Holmes."
John Holmes would be charged with something VERY different, Handel.
7/25/12 all morning -- 'Chick-A-Fil'
7/25/12 5:09am -- "He went beyond and above"
Um, you have it backward Handel
7/24/12 6:53am -- Apparently, 'Neil Diamond' was the first man on the moon
What the hell did he learn in school?
2/5/12 time unknown -- "Fartasutical"
Date and Time unknown -- "Marjorie started thinning as soon as the kids fell out."
4/26 7:28 --"West Side MusicStory"
Yeah, you know what he meant
"Today is the last day of the Tuesday"
"I finally replaced my last catheter ray tube TV with a flat screen"
"You can't live without it, and you can't live without it"
Well...that's 'almost' right Handel
A combination of paraplegic and quadriplegic
"For God's Steak"
For God so loved his steak, he chose a porterhouse
"Did you know giraffe saliva is antiseptic?"
No, Handel, we were not aware
"Bill Hire here."
HANDEL is your last name
Handel's favorite candy, Nutter Butters
"Mike, turn her Todd on"
"Green Cay Hackers"
Green Bay Packers
"The ball is on their shoes"
I think he means the ball is in their court
"Ruth Gater Binsberg"
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
"Leaf over a new turn"
Turn over a new leaf
"Jen & Berries"
Ben & Jerry's
"Ten pile car up"
Ten car pile up
"Sending your male sample through the hair"
I'm sure Regenix loved this commercial....
"I got an adult book joke"
He got an adult JOKE book
"Karen Black...Karen Bass..she's black right?"
Yes, Bill, she is black...but her name is Bass!
"Jesus Christ Superstore"
Did Jesus buy Costco?
"Breakfast at Bernie's"
Was Audrey Hepburn in Weekend at Bernie's?
"the cret is thredable"
the threat is credible
"he's just waiting for the next foot to drop"
the next SHOE to drop
"his heart was still breathing"
we assume he means BEATING
"we'll be covering it carpet to carpet"
We think he meant 'wall to wall'
"As Band-Aided by federal law"
federally mandated....and he's the lawyer!
"shawed off sotguns"
sawed off shotguns
"Mrs Fish's Paul sticks"
Mrs. Paul's fish sticks
"Go to my CP.com"
Go to MY PC.com
"The bag is now out of the cat"
the cat is now out of the bag
"John Dean scream"
Howard Dean scream
"I have an elephant like a memory"
I have a memory like an elephant
"I wasn't there when I heard that"
we're not sure
"gaspic by pan"
"done there, been that"
been there, done that
"Roby Red Race"
Ruby Red Vase
"The world of life"
The game of life
"You pay for what you get for"
You get what you pay for
"General Butt Nugget"
General Butt Naked
"No ass, No Tail"
Don't ask don't tell
They got life without the possibility of Peru...
They got life without the possibility of parole.
I've litten matches my entire life.
Its 5:24 and we have a couple more minutes until 5:25
A couple? On what clock?
As fast as you can click your “mouth.”
Let me correct myself. Jury's jurdict.
guy commits suicide-life “wasn't worth dying”
wasn't worth living
Ann Frank, the girl who wrote "The Diary of Ann Frank"
Well, who else would have written it?
Half-baked ass ideas
half-baked or half-assed
Glad to hear you see.
see you here
Baby Boob women
Baby Boom women
I will be hoe.
I will be hosting...
They all are working 46 hours a day.
(Isn’t that impossible?)
I was a teenager in my 20's.
that's quite an accomplishment
Let me put myself in my shoes.
JFK, Jr. and wife Jacqueline
botters of wattle
bottles of water
Thank you. Welcome for coming aboard
Welcome. Thank you for coming aboard.
They have an annual symposium every year.
that's usually what annual means
We're slaughtering Slerbs in Yugoslavia.
Let's check in with Dr. Rush.
You decide: Dr. Laura or Rush Limbaugh.
Three strikes, you're law!
Three strikes, you're out!
KFI's the stock market that does news,traffic & weather
KFI's the talk station that does...
Up to his ear-balls
up to his eye-balls
Andrew Lloyd Wright
Andrew Lloyd Webber
She nicked your scissors
she nicked your ear
obstruction of justice
Kids are fat potato couches.
It's 8:56. We're not.
Hmm. Time Warp?
Give me a gazample.
We know exactly what we know then now,what we know then
We know now exactly what we knew then.
The alarm got off.
Lured the girl into the breast room
Restroom (obscure Hooters reference?)
KFI is the news station that does news, traffic and weather.
It doesn't matter what the reporter is or who they come from.
who the reporter is or where they...
I saw lightning hit those Joshua Trees - you know, Yucca plants.
Which is it, Bill?
KFI does news, weather and traffic EVERY minute, every morning.
every FEW minutes
Let's go to Bill Handel... no wait,
I'm Bill Handel. :)
Bill Clinton's liver
long lost lover
It's the end of the week; it's Wednesday.
(By our calculations, it's the middle of the week.)
A bang of thieves
a gang of thieves
I learned something more than I didn't know at all.
(Your guess is as good as ours!)
The union I belong to: NAFTA
One word: inherently evil
count again, Bill
Bridge under troubled waters
bridge OVER troubled waters
On the blitz
on the fritz
Five five teen
female screw driver
female school bus driver
Israel turned 50 degrees
50 years old
Martin Luther Junior King
Martin Luther King Jr.
James Earl Red is dead.
James Earl Ray
Whole Fools Market
Whole Foods Market
Short Statue Foundation
The Nim and Teal Show
KFI's Tim & Neil Show
Admissions for Latinos and Blanks
Turn around or we're gonna blow you
...blow you away
We'll come back and say goodbye
If this was true, it would be a pretty short show.
Mary Kaye Letourneau is going to father a child.
We sure hope not...
Visit our log site.
It was the barstool's fart.
It took me for a loop!
It took me by surprise + It threw me for a loop
It's beyond ba-blief
It's beyond belief
520 HFi in LA Orange County
640 KFI in LA and Orange County
...sorcerers say Clinton
...sources say Clinton
Limestone Leisure Suits
Lime Green Leisure Suits
Sexual Horse Play
Bill Clinton + Monica Lewinsky = ?
...wearing only a Jew-string.
...wearing only a G-string
You don't eat movies
than going out to movies
The way you eat potato chips.
Americans spend more money on potato chips
A disc jockey died while riding his horse
He means a regular jockey
Nobel Priest Prize
Nobel Peace Prize
Lastly but not leastly
Last, but not least
Correct me if I'm not wrong
Correct me if I'm wrong
Two rights don't make one wrong
Two wrongs don't make a right
I wouldn't touch that with a ten inch pole...
ten FOOT pole
Today, nobody really makes fat of me...
fun of me because I'm fat.
I'm Bill Hamblin.
I'm Bill Handel.
how she was died
how she died
I'm the Erma Bomb-wreck of radio.
Chinese is the color of mourning.
White is the color of mourning in China
I couldn't have said it better my said....
…said it better myself
insisted his son get medical qelp...
…get medical help
Sexually oriental poses
No crime was broken.
No law was broken.
7 week year old kid
7 year old kid
The Eiffel Tired
It's 6:55to six
It's five to six.
Marv Albert is in various serious trouble
...very serious trouble.
Trust the people you're trusting with.
...you're working with.
Don't know dork.
How many people really ride massive transit?
tampons and tabloid...combined
40 olderly people
Let's go to Mike Kenneth, uh, whatever his name is.
Michael Clarke? Ken Gallacher?
sat and fault
fat and salt
If you've just tuned aboard...
"tuned-in" or "come aboard"
Mini skirt over those varicose lanes of yours
KFI AM 640, More Stimulating Talk Magazine
Talk Radio... RADIO!
I do bitch about how life complicated is.
...how complicated life is.
When you go to the supermarket and they bag your clothes
(What did you wear home, Bill?)
peanut butter and butter sandwich
peanut butter and jelly... we hope.
"He is facing life without the possibility of Peru"
That doesn't sound so bad, does it
And they pay him for commercials
Bill says this is NOT a ‘Handelism’ that he was searching for an effective way to describe people who live in Hong Kong…much like Paul T. Wall is 'Guamese'...people from Hong Kong are 'Honkanese'
"Valentine's GAY cards"
A new card category
"Erotic water pressure"
erratic water pressure
"he's the low man in the...in the fruit dish!
We believe he meant totem pole
"How do you go through a name with a life like that"
We'll guess you can figure this one out
"Jumping thru hurdles" Bill!
Uh, you usually jump OVER hurdles
"doctors need biggle needers"
"You dine when whom you choose with"
You dine with whom you choose
"The people I know have boughten all these windows"
"The heroes in the gang community are the PIPS”
"The heroes in the gang community are the PIMPS"
That's CROCK-odiles Bill
"The Congressional Building of the Congress"
"he was 333 years old!....I mean pounds!"
That's pretty old Bill...
"Here are his ideas to budget the balance"
'balance the budget'
"The cret is threadible"
'the threat is credible'
"switch and bait"
'bait and switch'
"bite your teeth and grit yourself"
we have NO idea....
"we are time"
we are out of time'
"we are time out of out"
'we are out of time'
"The word for today OF...O-V....OF"
Bill can't spell either
"when she had her brokedown”
I guess 'she' was a car
"Jackie Kennedy planned JFK's assassination"
He said it, but didn't mean it
"Attempting to fleed"
that would be FLEE Bill
"KFI-AM 640 More Stimulating Talk EDWARDS"
where do you work Bill?
"They go us, we go them"
have NO idea
"Sears and Buck"
C'mon Bill......you KNOW this!
"Good Handel everybody"
Good morning everybody...
"Lords of the Ring"
Many lords, one ring says Bill
"The Anlican religion is the official language of England"
"The judge will take into remorse how remorseful the defandants are"
And you call this man for legal advice....
"...to hell in a clambasket."
Do you mean "in a handbasket?"
"she's one happy cancer"
"she's one happy camper"
"Squid Pro Quo"
Quid Pro Quo
"It has to do with the depth of his nuts."
"Cops by Suicide"
Suicide by cop
"Erotic winds, low humility."
Erratic winds, low humidity
"Fire department helicopters dropping fire retards.
"Fire department helicopters dropping fire retardant
"IBS, Irritable Ball Syndrome.
"IBS, Irritable Bowel Syndrome
"15 minutes in the sun."
15 minutes of fame
"He's just waiting for the foot to drop."
"He's just waiting for the shoe to drop."
"KFI AM Seqorsky"
KFI AM 640