I know, pretty serious blog title yes?  But it's appropriate for what's happening in my life right now.

I don't claim to know the 'ultimate' meaning of life, that's not what this blog is about.  Instead it's about finding the meaning of life in, of all places, death.

For those of you who have noticed, I've been out a few days last week and again this week.  My wonderful mother-in-law, Margaret, a woman I've known for going on 14+ years and have been blessed to call her my mother-in-law for two, passed away.

I don't want to go into the details of the situation surrounding it, that's a private family thing, but I will tell you that the last few months have been especially hard on her children, my husband and his sister, and seeing them going through those last few months, and going through them myself was hearbreaking.

I do want you to know that she was the most amazing woman.  Kind, loving, generous and funny, man, was she funny.  I can really see where my husband got his sense of humor from, it was clear to me every time they were in the room together, the banter they'd have, how she totally 'got' his humor and he totally 'got' hers.  She used to have these great one liners that every time I heard them I thought "that would be a GREAT bumper sticker", I always thought, 'man, I've got to carry a pad and pen around with me when we're together', but I always forgot.  Now, I wish I would have remembered.

We talk every day about how we're supposed to remember to 'live life to the fullest, enjoy every day.'  But day to day we forget that, we get caught up in the stupid stuff, the minutia, the stuff that doesn't matter when it really comes down to it. 

When someone dies, it resets you, it makes you think, it points out that we're all going to die eventually, and when we do, what do we leave behind as a legacy?

In death, we remember to think about what it means to live and what a blessing it is.  We remember to stop and smell the flowers, to call our loved ones and tell them that we love them, to put aside the petty arguments that seem so out of place in the grand scheme of things.  Will we eventually get caught up again in the stupid stuff?  Probably, but I hope that every time something like this happens, that another little piece of my brain will remind me to stop and think about what really matters....about what it means to really live.

Years ago, my grandmother passed away.  I got a call early one morning telling me to come to see her because it wouldn't be long.  When I got there, and walked in the room and held her hand, shortly after, she passed away.  I can not tell you how powerful that moment was to me, and as sad as I was, I felt blessed to be there at the moment she left this world.

Last week, as we sat at the hospital with my mother-in-law, a nurse told us that if we thought about leaving to grab something to eat or to step out of the room to make a call, we shouldn't, because in her experience, it wouldn't be too long. 

The nurse said to me, 'Sometimes people who are near the end, hold on, not for themselves, but they hold on for you, because they want to know that you'll be ok.  So sit with her, talk to her, talk about her, just talk to each other.  She can hear you, even if you think she can't.  Sometimes just doing that, just letting her hear your voices, talking to each other, sometimes that's enough for her to know you'll all be ok, and she'll let go." 

Powerful words.

So as my husband, his sister and I sat in her hospital room and talked about Margaret, and to her, and to each other, telling stories, sometimes funny ones, she left this earth in the most peaceful way possible. 

To know that her children were there the moment she left this world, and she was the one who brought them into it, was a truly a blessing.  As devastated as they are right now, I know they will look back on that day and realize what an honor it was to be there at that moment.

So now, it's up to us to move on with our lives, because that's what we have to do.  It's never easy, but I know that because of her death, I will remember what it means to live.