In 1993, I was a 21-year-old community college student working full-time in the wonderful world of retail.
I took a Radio/ Television production class that required an internship, I dreamed of finding an internship at a television station and making it big in the world of TV.
Well, that didn’t happen. I got an internship at KFI.
Little did I know that KFI was poised to become THE talk station in Southern California. After my internship spent opening mail and answering phones, I was approached with the opportunity to be a “screener” on The Bill Handel show....for a whopping $5.25 an hour!
(Never mind that I had to drive an HOUR from the OC every day at 4am. So even though gas was, I think, 99 cents a gallon at the time, my $5.25 an hour and 20 hours a week barely paid for the gas needed to get back and forth to work. So I had to keep my full-time job as well, all while going to school full-time.)
Little did I know that screeners were just a step up from pond scum and my job served three basic purposes.
Eventually, my part-time thing turned into working many more hours than I should for no additional pay to learn about the wonderful world of producing.
When Bill's producer went on maternity leave, I filled in. When she decided not to return, I was asked if I wanted the job for a pittance above what I was already making. Against my better judgment, I said yes.
Because of that, I missed out on the opportunity to transfer to a university for a REAL college experience (you know what I’m talking about... slacking off and stumbling home half-naked with puke in your hair after getting rip-roaring drunk at fraternity parties.)
With the exception of about 2 years when I worked on other projects here at KFI, I’ve been with Bill’s show my entire KFI career. Why? I like that Bill's a big A-hole and it's fun for me knowing that the women in Bill’s life control him…I like being a part of that.
So that’s it about me except that I’m a native New Yorker, a "Lawng Gyelander"....brought forcibly to California by my parents at the tender age of 15. I’m half Italian/half German, my breasts are a 42F (I used to think they were a 40D, but after seeing 'bra wizard' I realized I had been wearing the wrong size for all these years) and I’m reasonably OK looking. I got married October 2010, but we've been together since 2001.
My husband and I have a dog, Princess Grace Kelly...a 6 pound chihuahua that controls our lives.
This blog may contain profanity and/or material considered inappropriate. The views expressed in this blog are the opinions of the individual writer and do not necessarily reflect the views of KFI AM-640 and Clear Channel Radio.
My husband is VERY upset, because for the last 3 years he's been working on a Rocky musical...and then I get an email yesterday forwarded to me from Rich Marotta promoting...a ROCKY MUSICAL ON BROADWAY!!!
I'M NOT KIDDING!
My husband, who some of you know as Dick Cabeza, was the writer, performer and producer of some of the best parody songs featured on this show in our 20 year history.
He's spent some of his spare time in the last few years writing songs and everything for his Rocky musical...AND....the songs are MUCH better than what we can hear in the promo above!
Check out this scene of The Dude in the Big Lebowski (scroll to 1:47 in and start there)
It's eerie because you see, my husband looked EXACTLY LIKE THE DUDE when we first met in 1993, and he did this EXACT thing one night, going to the store in his boxers, slippers and a robe to buy milk...about a year before the movie was even in production...I'm even pretty sure this is the EXACT SAME GROCERY STORE he shopped it.
So now, my husband is convinced that someone is following him around and / or reading his thoughts.
He has asked me to line all his hats with foil.
The wife abides.
A few random thoughts from my vacation.
Here's what happens when I get back from vacation.
My desk has piles of stuff on it. Books, papers, mail, etc.
I have hundreds of emails to delete from my inbox (so if you emailed me between 10/10 and 10/20 email me again to get an answer from me)
I have a bunch of voicemail messages.
Bill has a list of items he needs me to do (not that anyone else couldn't have done them while I was gone) stuff like:
But I'm always entertained by the very first conversation or question I get from Bill when I return.
Today's was the following.
"So I asked the guy at Costco why they were so slow checking people out, I said why don't you give those people, Mountain Bull? Isn't that what they call it?"
The following conversation happened this morning at 7:32am between Bill Handel and Mike Schaefer, who is running the board today because Larry broke his foot, you can see that HERE.
I attest that the following is a true and accurate statement of what occurred. ~ Producer Michelle 7:34am 10/4/13
Bill: "How much time do I have?"
Mike: "After your spot about 2 minutes."
Bill: "Well, I have to pee."
Mike: "Well, then, make it quick."
Bill: "OK...I won't shake or wash my hands."
TMI Bill... T.M.I.
Oh...and he ALMOST did a proper 'Ding Dong' this morning at 6:55am..so he's getting close to properly honoring The Tim Conway Jr. Show!
If you're a Breaking Bad fan, but haven't seen the series finale yet, or if you plan to watch it and don't want to know what happens...STOP reading now.
Last night was the series finale of Breaking Bad, a show that in my book is one of the best on television EVER. Everything from the cast, the writing, the production, the editing was simply fantastic.
It's spawned a middle school musical...
I'll be honest, it took me a few episodes to really get into it, I didn't like the idea of a show focusing on a meth dealer, but I soon realized that the show was so much more than that. It was so much more complex then that, and there lies the beauty of the show.
I never really thought of Bryan Cranston as a serious actor...I thought he was just comedic one, after his hilarious stint on Malcom in the Middle, but I realized that he had so much more depth to his abilities, all because of the character of Walter White.
The show made you care about Walter, even has he transforms from a mousy, forgettable regular guy chemistry teacher into the brutal frightening meth kingpin known as Heisenberg. It made you care about Jesse, played by Aaron Paul, a druggie with a heart, who had what could be best called a father/ son relationship with Walter, despite everything they've been through.
Now I've been burned before by TV shows. The Sopranos which I also think was one of the best shows on television, sorely disappointed me with their finale. And Dexter REALLY disappointed me recently....so I was fully expecting that Breaking Bad would end like that one season of Dallas where Bobby was dead but it was all 'just a dream'. I swore if Jesse woke up drooling with his head on his desk while Walter White was standing at the blackboard teaching chemistry I would LOSE IT.
Well, the finale did not disappoint. It was phenomenal. It gave us answers to everything, it wrapped it all up in a a nice little bow and completely respected the fans that have come to love it.
I KNEW that Walter would never be able to kill Jesse, I KNEW it. I also knew that Jesse could never kill Walt. I knew that it couldn't end with anything but Walt's death, but would he die in a hail of bullets, by his own hand or would the cancer he was suffering from ultimately take him?
Well, he died with his love....the cook....in the middle of a meth lab. His earlier admission finally to Skylar that he didn't keep doing it for the family but rather instead for HIM because he was good at it was so incredibly refreshing.
Now, I was hoping that at some point in that final episode, leading up to the final showdown, that he would shave his head again and actually be Heisenberg at the end. But he wasn't. And for a moment I was REALLY disappointed. But then I realized that at the end, they wanted you NOT to see Heisenberg at all.
They wanted to bring it full circle and wanted you to see him exactly how it all began, with Walter White looking exactly like that normal, mousy boring, chemistry teacher he started out to be. That's how they wanted to leave it for you, to remind you of the man you felt empathy for....and it was brilliant.
Cheers to creator Vince Gilligan and the entire Breaking Bad cast, crew, producers, editors, etc...everyone.
You did all of us proud!
For those who are curious about what goes on behind the scenes here at KFI, here's a few tidbits to whet your appetite.
-- Gary Hoffmann makes a full pot of coffee every day...and he's the only one who drinks it.
-- Besides his own coffee, Bill Handel only likes Snapple Diet Peach Tea and Diet Coke. He also has a toaster oven in his office to heat up sausages and burritos from Costco.
-- Shannon Farren, will always, and I mean ALWAYS, enter a room with a high kick and a cheer. It's AWESOME.
-- Carry a prism, because if ever get into a heated debate with KFI News Director, Chris Little, about sentence structure or grammar, you can distract him with a shiny object and run away. (Also, Chris ALWAYS gets Handel's restaurant leftovers.)
-- If you see John Kobylt & Ken Champiou in the hallways, consider yourself lucky if you get more than a 'Harumph' when you say 'Hello!'
-- Whenever the camera is pointed at him, Bill Carroll will give it the finger.
-- Tim Conway Jr. has a welcome mat outside his door that says "Doorbell broken, yell 'Ding Dong' really loud!"
Bill Carroll's producer, Brian Holt, will come into our office at least once a day looking for food...and he's the skinniest guy on the staff!
I love my husband more than anything in the world. He's just the best.
He makes me laugh everyday, even when he's trying to needle me for being annoying.
Here's one that happened last night.
Hubby: "How was your drive in to work this morning?"
Me: "Fine, normal, why do you ask?"
Hubby: "Well, I was concerned about your ability to keep your eyes on the road."
Me: "Wha? Why?"
Hubby: "I was concerned that you might get into an accident"
Hubby: "From staring at the sky..."
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Hubby: "I was concerned that you hadn't covered from that excessive eye rolling incident yesterday."
God, I love that man.
Things that bug me today.
Charlie, The World's Smallest Horse was kidnapped by the Mafia (I hope this doesn't end like in The Godfather)
...didn't eat her breakfast this morning, even after I put steak in it.
And..the following conversation I had with Handel this morning when the 3 TV's in the studio showed snow or the blue screen of death:
Handel: "So...is the cable out?"
Handel: "Have you tried another channel?"
Handel: "Out on that channel too?"
Handel: "So is it out just in this room or all over?"
Michelle: "All over the building"
Handel: "What about the neighborhood"
Michelle: "Dunno, don't live in the neighborhood"
Handel: "Can you fix it?"
There seems to be a never ending supply of puckerbutts in the world.
For those that don’t know, a puckerbutt is a person whose butt twitches anytime that Bill says something mildly offensive.
In an effort to ease their obvious anal distress, we would like to take a moment to apologize to them and any and all other possible people, organizations, races, aliens, religions or animals that we could have possibly offended, included but not limited to:
President Obama, John Kerry, George Zimmerman’s wife, Anthony Weiner, porn actors, the LA KISS, Arsineo Hall, Ciley Myrus, and the wrecking ball in the new Miley Cyrus video
Men with small testicles
"This is Princess Grace Kelly reporting for KFI Nooz (with apologies to Steve Gregory)
The sneaker company Pearl Izumi has apologized for running an ad in a running magazine that featured a supposedly DEAD DOG. SEE THE AD
This ad was very stoopid becuz it made it look like dogs can't run as far as hoomans because they don't wear their stoopid sneakers.
The company claimed that they were trying to be funny, but it 'obviously didn't work'. That's right it didn't work you stoopid morons because making fun of dead dogs is NOT FUNNY.
The company has pulled the ad and apologized on their Facebook page. But I don't think that's enough, so Ima gonna go to their stoopid company headquarters in Colorado and bite 'em on their stoopid running ankles.
This has been Princess Grace Kelly...(barks furiously)....