Success from Scratch – The Challenge – Day 505

STOP LYING

As with negative conduct, when you lie, you not only separate yourself from your higher self but you also run the risk of being found out and eroding others’ trust even more. 

In reality, lying is the product of low self-esteem – the belief that you and your abilities are somehow not enough to get what you want. It is also based on the false belief that you can’t handle the consequences of people knowing the truth about you – which is simply another way of saying I am not enough. 

When you speak ill of another to anyone else, it may temporarily bond you to that other person, but it creates a lasting impression in the other that you are the kind of person who gossips negatively about others. That other person will always be wondering; even if unconsciously; when you will turn that verbal poison against them. It will erode their sense of deep trust in you. 

WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT OTHERS MATTERS EVEN MORE

If we look back through history, all the world’s highest and most respected beings and spiritual teachers have warned us about gossip and judgment of others. It’s because they knew how damaging untruth really is. 

• Wars have been started over words.
• People have been killed over words.
• Deals have been lost because of words.
• Marriages have been destroyed over words. 

Not only that, but gossip and judgment affect you, too, because you end up releasing a poison into a river of energy that is set up to being you that which you truly want. Even without words being spoken, others can pick up your negative, judgmental, and critical energy toward them. Then, what you say about others has a way of finding its way back to the person you are talking about. 

To speak with more impeccability when addressing others: 

• Make a commitment to be impeccable in your speech
• Make an effort to appreciate something about every person you interact with
• Make a commitment to tell the truth, as best you can, in all of your interactions and dealings with others.
• Make it the intention of every interaction with others that you uplift them in some small way. Notice how you feel when you do that. 

Often we use words in damaging ways, not because we are bad people but simply because we are not paying attention. No one ever taught us how powerful words really are. 

NEXT… Idle gossip!!

Success from Scratch – The Challenge – Day 498

YOUR WORDS HAVE POWER!

To speak with impeccability is to speak from your higher self. It means that you speak with intention and with integrity. It means that your words are in alignment with what you say you want to produce – your vision and your dreams. 

When you speak with impeccability, your words have power not only with yourself but also with others. To speak with impeccability is to speak only words that are true, that uplift, and that affirm other people’s worth. 

As you learn how to speak with impeccability, you’ll discover that words are also the basis of all relationships. How I speak to you and about you; determines the quality of our relationship! 

WHAT YOU SAY TO OTHERS ~ CREATES A RIPPLE EFFECT IN THE WORLD 

“Let no communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” (EPHSIANS 4:29 – King James Version of the Bible)

Successful people speak words of inclusion rather than words of separation, words of acceptance rather than words of rejection, and words of tolerance rather than words of prejudice. 

• If I express love and acceptance to you, you will experience love for me.
• If I express judgment and contempt for you, you will judge me back.
• If I express gratitude and appreciation for you, you will express gratitude and appreciation back. 
• If I express hate toward you, you will most likely hate me back. 

The truth is… your words put out a certain energy or message that creates a reaction in others – a reaction that is usually returned to you multiplied. If you are rude, impatient, arrogant, or hostile, you can expect negative conduct in return. 

Everything you say produces an effect in the world. Everything you say to someone else produces an effect in that person. Know that you are constantly creating something – either positive or negative – with your words. 

Always ask yourself: Is what I am about to say going to advance the cause of my vision, mission, and goals? 

• Will it uplift the hearer? 
• Will it inspire, motivate, and create forward momentum? 
• Will it dissolve fear and create safety and trust? 
• Will it build self-esteem, self-confidence, and a willingness to risk and take action? 

Next…Stop Lying!!!!

 Success from Scratch – The Challenge – Day 495

 Chapter 51 – Speak With Impeccability! 

“Impeccability of the word can lead you to personal freedom, to huge success and abundance; it can take away all fear and transform it into joy and love” (Don Miguel Riuz – Author of The Four Agreements) 

For most of us, our words are spoken without consciousness. We rarely stop to think about what we are saying. Our thoughts, opinions, judgments, and beliefs roll off our tongues without a care for the damage or the benefits they can produce.

Successful people, on the other hand, are the master of their words. They know that if they don’t take dominion over their words, their words will take dominion over them. They’re conscious of the thoughts they think and the words they speak - both about themselves and others. They know that to be more successful, they need to speak words that will build self-esteem and self-confidence, build relationships, and build dreams-words of affirmation, encouragement, appreciation, love, acceptance, possibility, and vision. 

To speak with impeccability is to speak from your higher self. It means that you speak with intention and with integrity. It means that your words are in alignment with what you say you want to produce – your vision and your dreams. 

Next… Your words have power!!!

Success from Scratch – The Challenge – Day 490How

Telling the Truth Pays Dividends 

1. There is no “perfect time” to tell hard truth 

Learning to speak your truth sooner is one of the most important success habits you will ever develop. In fact, as soon as you start asking yourself the question I wonder when would be the best time to tell the truth, that’s actually the best time to do so. 

• Will it be uncomfortable? Probably
• Will it create lots of reactions? Yes
• But it is the right thing to do. 

Get into the habit of telling the truth faster. Ultimately, you want to get to the point where you say it as soon as you think it. That’s what being totally authentic means. What you see is what you get. People will know where you stand. You can be counted on to speak your mind. 

1. “I don’t want to hurt their feelings” 

A lot of times people use the excuse that they don’t want to hurt another person’s feelings. 

This is always a lie.

If you ever catch yourself thinking this, what’s really happening is that you’re protecting yourself from your own feelings. You’re avoiding what you will feel when they get upset. It is the coward’s way out, and it simply delays having all your cards on the table.

This includes: 

• Telling kids you are getting divorced
• Having to put a pet to sleep
• Laying off your staff
• Lost the family’s nest egg on a bad investment
• Be honest with a mate about infidelity

Hiding the truth always backfires. The longer you withhold it, the more disservice you do to yourself and others involved. 

"YOU WON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS, BUT…" 

“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs” (Samuel Goldwyn – Co-founder of MGM Studios) 

NEXT…Speak with Impeccability!!!

Success from scratch – The Challenge – Day 476

 Telling the truth faster!

 WHAT DO WE NEED TO SHARE

 In every area of our lives, the three things that most need to be shared are: 

• Resentments that have built up
• The unmet needs
• Demands that underlie those resentments
• And appreciations

Underneath all resentments are unfulfilled needs and desire.

Whenever you find yourself resenting someone, ask yourself- 

   “What is it that I am wanting from him / her that I am not getting?”

And then make the commitment to at least ask for it. The worst you will get is a no. You might just get a yes. But at least the request will be out in the open.

One of the most valuable practices and yet the hardest to do for most people is telling the truth when it is uncomfortable. Most of us are so worried about hurting other people’s feelings that we don’t share our true feelings. We end up hurting ourselves instead. 

Next…How telling the truth could pay off in dividends!

Success from Scratch – The Challenge – Day 469

Telling the truth faster!

 “When in doubt, tell the truth”

(Mark Twain – Author of several American classics)

Most of us avoid telling the truth because it’s uncomfortable. We’re afraid of the consequences – making others feel uncomfortable, hurting their feelings, or risking their anger. And yet, when we don’t tell the truth, and others don’t tell us the truth, we can’t deal with matters from a basis in reality.

The truth also frees up our energy. It takes energy to withhold the truth, keep a secret, or keep up an act.

We have all heard the phrase that “the truth will set you free”. And it will. The truth allows us to be free to deal with the way things are, not the way we imagine them to be or hope them to be or might manipulate them to be one with our lies. 

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TELL THE TRUTH? 

How many of us feel closer to people when we know their truth? People realize that the things they’ve been hiding aren’t so terrible but in fact are usually shared by at least a few others. They are not alone but rather part of a community. 

But most astounding is what people report over the next few days from speaking and living their truths. 

• Lifelong migraines disappear
• Spastic colons relax
• Medication is no longer needed
• Depression lifts
• Aliveness returns
• People actually look younger and more vital
• Some lose weight 

These examples tell us that it takes a lot of energy to hold back our truth, and that energy, when it is released, can be used to focus on creating greater success in all areas of our lives. 

We can become: 

• Less cautious and more spontaneous
• More willing to be our natural selves 

And when this happens, information that is vital to making things work and to getting things done can be shared and acted upon. 

Next…What do you need to share?

Success from Scratch – The Challenge – Day 465

How to conduct a Heart Talk

A heart talk can be conducted with any size group between 2 and 10 of people

The first time you conduct your Heart Talk, start by explaining that there is value in occasionally using a structure for communication that guarantees a deeper level of listening. 

• The structure of a Heart Talk creates a safe, non judgmental space that supports the constructive – rather than the destructive – expression of feelings that if left unexpressed can block teamwork, synergy, creativity, and intuition, which are vital to the productivity and success of any venture.

Guidelines for a Heart Talk

Start by asking people to sit in a circle or around a table. Introduce the basic agreement, which includes these: 

• Only the person holding the heart talks
• You don’t judge or criticize what anyone has said
• You pass the object to the left after your turn
• You talk about how you feel
• You keep the information confidential
• You don’t leave the talk until it’s declared complete

ü     Ask the group to agree to the guidelines, which is very important to make sure the talk does n0t deteriorate and lose its value. 

ü     You can use any object to pass around – a ball, paperweight, a book anything that can be seen by participants. 

RESULTS YOU CAN EXPECT 

You can expect to see the following results from a Heart Talk: 

• Enhanced listening skills
• Constructive expression of feelings improved conflict resolution skills
• Improved abilities to let go of resentments and old issues
• Development of mutual respect and understanding
• Greater sense of connection, unity, and bonding 

Next…Tell the truth faster!

Success from Scratch – The Challenge – Day 462

HAVE A HEART TALK

“Most communication resembles a Ping-Pong game in which people are merely preparing to slam their next point across; but pausing to understand differing points of view and associated feelings can turn apparent opponents into true members of the same team” (Cliff Dupree – Creator of the Heart process)

Unfortunately, into many business, educational, and other settings, there is never an opportunity for feelings to be expressed and heard, so they build up to the point that people have no capacity to focus on the business at hand. There is too much emotional static in the space. It’s like trying to put more water in a glass that is already full. There is no where for it to go. You must pour out the old water to make room for the new water.

It is the same with emotions. People can’t listen until they have been heard. They first need to get whatever is bothering them off their chest. Whether you are someone who has just come home from work, a parent looking at your child’s report card with all C’s, a salesperson attempting to sell a new car, or a CEO overseeing the merger of two companies, you first need to let other people speak about their needs and wants, hopes and dreams fears and concerns, hurts and pains, before you talk about yours. It opens up a space inside of them to be able to listen and take in what you have to say.

WHAT IS A HEART TALK?

A Heart Talk is a very structured communication process in which eight agreements are strictly adhered to in order to create the safety for a deep level of communication to occur without fear of condemnation, unsolicited advice, interruption, or being rushed. It is a powerful tool used to surface and release any unexpressed emotions that could otherwise get in the way of people being totally present to deal with the business at hand. It can be used at home, in business, in the classroom, with sports teams, and in religious settings to develop rapport, understanding, and intimacy.

WHEN TO US A HEART TALK

•  Before or during a staff meeting

• At the beginning of a business meeting where two new groups of people are coming together for the first time.
• After an emotionally stimulating event like a merger, a massive layoff, a death, unexpected financial setback, or any type of tragedy.
• When there is conflict between two individuals, groups, or departments
• On a regular basis at home, in the office, or in the classroom

 Next …Guidelines for a heart talk

Success from Scratch – The Challenge – Day 448

Happy New Year! As I blog my way through Jack Canfield’s ‘The Success Principles – How to get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be’ – the new year always brings renewal and new energy and a new commitment! We hope.

 Powerful Questions

ü      Powerful communication tools

ü      Effective ways to establish rapport

ü      Create a feeling of connection with another person

1. If you were meeting three years from today, what has to have happened during that three-year period for you to feel happy about your progress?
2. What are the biggest dangers you’ll have to face and deal with in order to achieve that progress?
3. What are the biggest opportunities that you have that you would need to focus on and capture to achieve those things?
4. What strengths will you need to reinforce and maximize, and what skills and resources will you need to develop that you don’t currently have in order to capture those opportunities?

Practice each day asking someone those questions over lunch or dinner. Start with your friends and family members. You will be surprised by how much you learn and how much closer you will feel afterward.

• Use the questions with every potential business client or business colleague. Once they have answered, you’ll know whether or not there is a basis for a business relationship. You’’ know whether or not your products and services can help them achieve their goals.
• If they don’t want to answer these questions, then they are not people you would want to do business with, because they are either unaware of their future and can’t think ahead, which will make it hard for you to help them or they are unwilling to tell you the answers, which means there is no trust present, so you have nothing to build on – no basis for a relationship.
• Make sure to take yourself through the same four questions either alone on a piece of paper or verbally with a friend or master-mind partner.

Next ...Have a heart talk!